I Need an Intervention
Wednesday, July 28, 2010 Posted by BusyWorkingMama
Hi, my name is Aleksandra, and I'm a clingy mom.
I love my family. My life revolves around them, as it should. I love my job, too, and the life it affords us. However, outside of work, all I ever do is spend time with Lily and Adam. I mean, look at those two smiling cuties in the picture (we went blueberry picking early in July) - how could I NOT want to hang out with them in the little free time that I have? In Lily's nearly three years of life, we have been out alone to dinner two times when my family was in town visiting. We meet for sushi lunch dates and have alone time in the evenings, but I just can't bring myself to leave her with a babysitter and miss out on my nightly ritual of reading and snuggling and putting her to bed. I feel like one day she will be "too old" to snuggle and rock with me, and that's when I'll make the jump to a babysitter.
So, what to do? I guess this is the first step to recovery; I've admitted I have a problem. Maybe I'll see if one of her daycare teachers could babysit. Maybe :)
I love my family. My life revolves around them, as it should. I love my job, too, and the life it affords us. However, outside of work, all I ever do is spend time with Lily and Adam. I mean, look at those two smiling cuties in the picture (we went blueberry picking early in July) - how could I NOT want to hang out with them in the little free time that I have? In Lily's nearly three years of life, we have been out alone to dinner two times when my family was in town visiting. We meet for sushi lunch dates and have alone time in the evenings, but I just can't bring myself to leave her with a babysitter and miss out on my nightly ritual of reading and snuggling and putting her to bed. I feel like one day she will be "too old" to snuggle and rock with me, and that's when I'll make the jump to a babysitter.It really hit home when we were reading a book about a babysitter and Lily asked me what a babysitter was. I explained that it was someone who would come over to watch her while mommy and daddy went out. She literally chuckled and said "nooo, that's silly, I can just come WITH you." Adam and I used to go out alone at least twice a week. Heck, I haven't seen the inside of the movie theater since before Lily was born! The other month we went out to a nice restaurant with her and she inhaled most of my $26 sea bass entre while I got stuck with her cheese pizza. I told you, I need help.
July 28, 2010
I feel your pain (dilemma, condition?)! My daughter is 11 months old and I can count on one hand the number of HOURS I've been without her since she was born.
July 28, 2010
Always remember that the marriage came first. Without a healthy marriage, there can't be a healthy family. Start with one date night a month, even if it's just a 1 hour dinner. It is just sooooo important. I love my 2 boys more than you'll ever know, but hubby and I have always had date night and even leave for at least a whole weekend twice a year, on our anniversary and one other time. We feel we can be better parents, if we are a better couple. The most important thing is finding a great sitter that u can trust, ask your friends about their sitters. I also use my parents good friends who have older children ( college aged).....
July 29, 2010
Start out slowly, a once a month date night for a few months, than a twice a month, then to weekly if time and money can afford that.
It's nice too if you have a friend that has children you can trade off with. One time the friend can take your daughter to spend the night with them so you and hubby can have a date night and then in turn you can do the same for your friend so she and her husband can have a date night without children.
It's great if it's a full night sleep over type thing, but you may have to build up to that. It may have to just start out by you and your friend making a by 10pm pick up arrangement to a sleep over arrangement when the children are older.
July 29, 2010
I can empathize with you because when given a choice on things I want to do, it almost always involves being with my children. I looove being around them.
July 29, 2010
I was a lot like you when my girls were born. And there were few people I'd trust to leave them with (mostly family and our nanny). However, they just turned three and I know Lily is at about the same age. My girls are so self sufficient now that I wouldn't hesitate to leave them with even a high school babysitter. Heck, they'd be entertaining her these days. :-) You should just try it and don't go too far. I bet Lily might actually enjoy it.
And here's an even more realisitic suggestion if you're still hesitant. My girls used to be in bed promptly at 8:00. So, there were a few times I would hire a babysitter who didn't even get there until 8:15. All they did was sit there while the girls slept and Mike and I got to go to a late movie or something fun. Of course if the girls woke up, that would be strange, but it was a safe gamble. After all, they never wake up, so what would the odds be??? Just try it.
July 29, 2010
Between my two kids, they had less than 5 babysitters until they went to college. Now who has the problem?
July 31, 2010
I'll probably be like that, too.
Maybe find someone with a child close to her age. You can see it as a play date instead of abandonment. :)
July 31, 2010
Hi! I'm your newest follower from the Friday blog hops!!! :) Nice to meet you! I loved reading this. We're a family of 8 and we do everything together. I so love being home with my family. We've never had babysitters. My husband & I do go out alone now that we have older children to watch the younger ones, but we always feel like the kids are missing something. :)
Hope you'll come visit me soon and follow back.
Lisa xoxo
Raising Future Leaders
http://raisingfutureleaders.blogspot.com
July 31, 2010
I'm following via FFF! I'm with you. I love spending time with my kids and hubby. We go on family dates like you do (I know it's not the same thing! lol). My husband and I also have home dates -- where we play a board game or watch a movie and have a special dessert after the kids are sleeping.
I don't leave my kids with anyone other than my mom who can only visit us a few times a year.
Lily sounds adorable -- of course she can just come with you!!! Next time order extra bass though, huh?
August 06, 2010
Hi! Twitter recommended you to me, and thus I found your blog. I can completely relate with you. The only people that have watched my children are my in-laws and my mother. My oldest is 4 yrs and my youngest is 6 months. I think working full-time plays a huge part in your "dilemma". Up until a few months ago, I did the same thing and my mother-in-law just couldn't understand why I didn't want my son spending the entire weekend at her house. I kept trying to tell her that I didn't need to "get away" or "get a break" - he is a blast to be around (less the occasionally toddler tantrum, lol) and I find that after an hour I'm missing them both like crazy. I'm sure it's easier for us to go out because our family lives so close, but you're not alone and don't EVER feel guilty about wanting to spend time with your family! Remember, that your daughter is getting plenty of socialization at the daycare so there is no "need" for more time from her mommy.
PS) I used to have this same background, how funny!
Have a great day!!
www.itrocks2bmom.blogpsot.com